My column, Blush,
appeared monthly in XtraWest, Vancouver's Gay and Lesbian
Biweekly for just over two years. When pitching the column, I said: I propose a column in which Miss Cookie
is the wise voice of social conduct in all things sexual. I expect to take samples from my real life
to illustrate the dos and donts.
I want, and have always wanted, to get people discussing the minutiae of sex which means
not just the details of the act, but the social world around the act because its so damn important
and healthy not to be squeamish.
We all do it, and yet often people are unwilling even to admit that they do. Oh I dont go to the
bathhouses! or the peep shows! or the park! Or: I dont rim, felch, swallow cuz thats gross.
Well, they do.
Sure, a bit high and mighty. The first few columns I wrote I surprised myself, noticing my own complicity in whatever
nasty encounter I was describing. By the fourth column, I realized I had hit the meat of what I was doing. Confession, complicity, insight
and, hopefully, selfknowledge.
Each month, I sat down to write with the same question in mind: What about my sex life do I not want anyone to know?
And that's what I wrote.
I gained a certain reputation in town for being super candid. Shameless. Cheap, maybe. Easy, certainly. People asked me
if everything I wrote was true. All except the outfits, I answered.
Then there were the folks who got it, who didn't think I was an exhibitionist but a prosex advocate, a sex radical maybe.
Radical for telling the truth. Radical for admitting my behaviours, my failings, my fears and my desires. Im not sure which
was more disheartening those who thought I was a soulless exhibitionist or a world that needed to congratulate me for
telling the truth.
As it is, I came to the end of the topics I wanted to talk about around the same time my publisher brought me in one too many times
to complain I wasnt writing the kind of column Id agreed to. Seems I talked about serious sexual things, with humour,
and he wanted the sexual and humour without the serious. So I quit.
Here is the product of those two years. The writing isnt brilliant
nor is it terrifically insightful, but its honest, and straightforward, and, I hope, tackles a few subjects
some of us might be happy to hear. You arent alone. It happened to me too, just like this...